1.一個(gè)月前，朋友鄭重其事的網(wǎng)上改簽名：脂肪，我跟你拼了!一個(gè)月后，大家關(guān)注其成果，答曰：經(jīng)過一個(gè)月艱苦卓絕的對(duì)抗，脂肪，你贏了!

A month ago, my friend solemnly（['sɑl?mli] adv. 莊嚴(yán)地；嚴(yán)肅地） changed his signature online: Fat, I tried it with you! A month later, everyone paid attention to the results and replied: After a month of arduous（['ɑ?dj??s]艱苦的） confrontation（對(duì)抗）, Fat, you won!

2.一位母親被火困五樓，懷里嬰兒幾月大;消防隊(duì)員在樓下，媽媽就是不扔下;要求找來守門員，媽媽放心扔下娃;守門員技能高，穩(wěn)穩(wěn)接住放地下;誰知后退幾步走，踢出孩子，母親傻。

A mother was trapped by the fire on the fifth floor, and the baby in her arms was several months old; the firefighters were downstairs, but the mother would not throw it down; she asked to find a goalkeeper, and the mother was relieved to drop the baby; the goalkeeper was highly skilled and caught it firmly and put it underground; Who knows to take a few steps back, kick out the child's mother stupid.

3.夫妻二人在斗嘴。妻子：從各方面看，我都比你好，唯有一點(diǎn)不如你。丈夫：哪一點(diǎn)不如我呢?妻子：這不很明顯嗎?我的配偶不如你的配偶!

The couple were bickering. Wife: In all aspects, I am better than you, only inferior to you. Husband: Which is not as good as me? Wife: Isn’t that obvious? My spouse is not as good as yours!

4.兔子遇見烏龜，恥笑道：你再怎么爬，也爬不快，在我面前，你永遠(yuǎn)是個(gè)配角。烏龜慢吞吞的說：你再怎么跑，也只是個(gè)畜生，你還能變成劉翔?

When the rabbit met the tortoise, he sneered and said: No matter how you climb, you can't climb fast. In front of me, you will always be a supporting role. The tortoise said slowly: No matter how you run, you are just a beast. Can you still become Liu Xiang?

5.發(fā)生交通意外，許多人圍觀，一名記者擠不進(jìn)去，靈機(jī)一動(dòng)：我是傷者兒子，請(qǐng)讓讓!圍觀者果然讓開一條路，那位記者過去一看，壓死的是一只狗。

There was a traffic accident. Many people watched. A reporter couldn't get in. They had an idea: I am the son of the wounded, please let me! The onlookers let me go. The reporter went over and saw that a dog was crushed to death. .