中英對照演講稿

How do we choose the people we fall in love with?In the modern world,under the ideology of 'Romanticism，you're meant above all, to Trust Your Feelings!
我們要如何選擇我們戀愛的對象？在現(xiàn)今的社會里，在浪漫主義下，最重要的就是：相信你的感覺。

Love is a mutual ecstasy at finding a beautiful person,inside and out, with the rare capacity, to make us happy.The romantic attitude sounds warm and kind.
愛是彼此互相欣喜的,當找到一個不管是外表還是內(nèi)在都很美的人,并且她有獨一無二的專長，都使我們快樂.這個浪漫的想法聽起來溫暖而且和善.

It's originators certainly imagined that it would bring to an end the sort of unhappy relationships that resulted from the old ways of finding a partner;the arranged marriage!
第一個這樣想的人肯定誤以為，這一切都終將變成破碎的關(guān)系，這個結(jié)果都來自于尋找伴侶的老方式。安排好的婚姻！

The only problem is that this call for us to trust our instincts
唯一的問題是要我們相信自己的直覺

has very often proved to be a disaster of its own.
卻常常讓自己陷入一場災(zāi)難

Respecting the special feelings we get around certain people
尊重對方帶給我們的感覺

in night-clubs, or train stations; at parties or on websites
不管是在夜店、車站、派對還是網(wǎng)路上

and that romanticism so ably celebrated an art
浪漫的人總是能簡單的找到其中的美來慶祝

appears not to have led us to be any happier in our unions
顯現(xiàn)出了我們不可能再從彼此得到快樂了

The Medieval couple shackled into marriage by two royal courts
從前的伴侶被婚姻枷鎖綁在一起

keen to preserve the sovereignty of a slice of ancestral land.
渴望著守護名存實亡的權(quán)利

Instinct has been little better than calculation
直覺還是比計算來的好點

in underwriting the quality of our love stories.
為了保證我們愛情故事的品質(zhì)

There's another school of thought:
還有另外一方認為

this one influenced by psychotherapy
心理治療中

which challenges the notion that trusting instinct
證實了這個＂相信直覺＂看法的引響力

invariably draws us to those who will make us happy.
老是吸引我們到那個使我們快樂的地方

That's because the theory points out
這個理論指出

that we don't fail in love first and foremost
我們不會相愛是首要與最重要的

with those who care for us in ideal ways
以理想方式去在意我們的人

We fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways.
我們會愛上以相同方式表達關(guān)心我們的人

And there might be, a big difference.
這其中可能是有很大的差異

Adult love is modeled on a template of love
成年后的愛情就像模型上的樣板

created in childhood.
在我們童年時就形成了

And is likely to be entwined with a range of
這好比纏繞一系列的

problematic attractions
吸引我們的麻煩

that militate in key ways
妨礙的關(guān)鍵跟大人一樣

against our chances of growth and happiness, as adults.
在成長與快樂的機會之下

We may believe we are seeking happiness in love
我們可能會相信自己在愛中追求幸福

but what we are really after is familiarity
但我們真正追求的是熟悉感

We're looking to recreate within our adult relationships
我們想要在大人的關(guān)系里成現(xiàn)

the very feelings we knew so well in childhood
那些童年時的感覺

And which were rarely limited to just tenderness and care.
我們小時候體驗的愛，沒有局限于溫柔與關(guān)心

The love many of us would've tasted early on
那么多種的愛我們可能都已嘗過了

was confused with other perhaps more destructive dynamics
我們可能對感情上的事感到疑惑

Feelings of wanting to help an adult who is out of control
想要的感覺幫助那些無助的大人們

or of being deprived of a parent's warmth.
或者是沒有感受過父母的溫暖

Or scared of his/her anger
或是害怕父母的憤怒

or of not feeling secure enough to communicate our trickier wishes
因為覺得沒有安全感不敢說出自己的玩笑或者愿望

How logical then, that we should as adults find ourselves
邏輯上或許我們長大就會找回自己了

rejecting certain candidates
拒絕掉不喜歡的

not because they're wrong for us
不是因為他們不適合我們

but because they're a little too right
而是因為他們太好了

In a sense of seeming somehow excessively balanced,
在某種意義上看起來過度的完美

mature, understanding
成熟的、寬容的

and reliable
并且值得信賴的

given that in our hearts such rightness feels foreign and unearned
我們心里覺得自己好像配不上

To choose our partners wisely,
聰明的選擇伴侶

we need to tease out how certain compulsions to suffering
我們需要弄清如何肯定折磨的強迫力

may be playing themselves out in our feelings of attraction.
可能是要他們自己發(fā)現(xiàn)在我們吸引力的感受

A useful starting place is to ask ourselves
有個有用的開始是要問自己

perhaps in the company of a large sheet of paper, a pen and a free afternoon
也許在公司的一大張紙，一支筆，一個下午的自由時間

what sort of people in the abstract put us off and what kinds excite us.
是什么樣的人把自己關(guān)在空洞里是什么樣的事物使我們興奮不已

To try to trace back qualities to the people who first loves us in childhood
試著回朔童年愛著我們那些人的特質(zhì)

and to ask ourselves how much our impulses really
問問自己我們因為多少的沖動

are aligned with things that might make us happy
真的使所有事一致的感到快樂

We could stand to discover for example that slightly distant and sadistic people
我們可以站旁邊發(fā)覺例如稍微疏遠的人和兇神惡煞的人

do always more interesting to us than
總是對我們做出較有趣的事

the so-called 'nice' ones.
但所謂“好”

That should make us stop and think.
這應(yīng)該是要讓我們能停下來想一想。

Our honestly described reactions are legacies
我們誠實的描述是 反應(yīng)遺流的痕跡

They are revealing underlying assumptions we've acquired
他們揭露我們已獲得的暗含臆斷

that what love for us can feel like.
什么樣的愛對我們來說是可以感覺得到

We may start to get a clearer picture
我們可以清楚從圖中發(fā)現(xiàn)

that our vision of what we're looking for in another person
我們在尋找人生中另一半時的憧憬

might not be in a specially good guide
不可能是一本專業(yè)指南手冊

to our personal happiness.
給我們幸福。

Examining our emotional histories
審視著我們的情感歷程

we learn that we can't just be attracted to anyone
我們知道，我們不會只被別人吸引

we're limited in the types we have
我們只局限于我們所擁有的類型

because of certain things that happened to us in our past.
因為事實就發(fā)生在我們的過去。

Even if we can't always radically shift these pattern
即使我們不可能徹底的改變這個模式

it's useful to know that we're carrying a ball and chain
簡單來說，我們系著一顆球與鏈條

It can make us more careful of ourselves
它讓我們更小心自己

when we feel overwhelmed by a certainty that we've met the one
當我們覺得被已遇上的事實給淹沒時

after just a few minutes chatting at the bar.
短短幾分鐘后，在酒吧聊聊天。

Or when we're certain someone is just brawn or boring
或者當某些人只是膂力旺盛時或無聊時

even though objectively, they do have a lot going for them.
盡管客觀上，他們確實有很多利于他們的條件

Ultimately, we stand to be liberated to love different people to our initial
最后我們最初的立場獲得愛著不同的人的自由

types, when we find that the qualities we like
不管什么類型，當我們發(fā)現(xiàn)我們喜歡的特質(zhì)

and the ones we very much fear
和那些我們非?？謶值娜?br/>
can be found in different constellations
可以在不同的星座找到

from those we encountered in the people who first thought us about affection
從我們那些遇見的人們中要先想過我們自己的虛偽

long ago, in a childhood we should strive to understand
很久以前，在童年的我們應(yīng)該努力理解

and in many ways, free ourselves from.
在許多方面，讓我們從中自由吧!!!


How do we choose the people we fall in love with?
我們要如何選擇我們戀愛的對象

In the modern world,
在現(xiàn)今的社會里

under the ideology of 'Romanticism'
在浪漫主義下

you're meant above all, to Trust Your Feelings!
最重要的就是：相信你的感覺

Love is a mutual ecstasy
愛是彼此互相欣喜的

at finding a beautiful person,
當找到一個不管是外表還是內(nèi)在都很美的人

inside and out, with the rare capacity, to make us happy.
并且她有獨一無二的專長，都使我們快樂

The romantic attitude sounds warm and kind.
這個浪漫的想法聽起來溫暖而且和善

It's originators certainly imagined
第一個這樣想的人肯定誤以為

that it would bring to an end the sort of
這一切都終將變成

unhappy relationships
破碎的關(guān)系

that resulted from the old ways of finding a partner;
這個結(jié)果都來自于尋找伴侶的老方式

the arranged marriage!
安排好的婚姻

The only problem is that this call for us to trust our instincts
唯一的問題是要我們相信自己的直覺

has very often proved to be a disaster of its own.
卻常常讓自己陷入一場災(zāi)難

Respecting the special feelings we get around certain people
尊重對方帶給我們的感覺

in night-clubs, or train stations; at parties or on websites
不管是在夜店、車站、派對還是網(wǎng)路上

and that romanticism so ably celebrated an art
浪漫的人總是能簡單的找到其中的美來慶祝

appears not to have led us to be any happier in our unions
顯現(xiàn)出了我們不可能再從彼此得到快樂了

The Medieval couple shackled into marriage by two royal courts
從前的伴侶被婚姻枷鎖綁在一起

keen to preserve the sovereignty of a slice of ancestral land.
渴望著守護名存實亡的權(quán)利

Instinct has been little better than calculation
直覺還是比計算來的好點

in underwriting the quality of our love stories.
為了保證我們愛情故事的品質(zhì)

There's another school of thought:
還有另外一方認為

this one influenced by psychotherapy
心理治療中

which challenges the notion that trusting instinct
證實了這個＂相信直覺＂看法的引響力

invariably draws us to those who will make us happy.
老是吸引我們到那個使我們快樂的地方

That's because the theory points out
這個理論指出

that we don't fail in love first and foremost
我們不會相愛是首要與最重要的

with those who care for us in ideal ways
以理想方式去在意我們的人

We fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways.
我們會愛上以相同方式表達關(guān)心我們的人

And there might be, a big difference.
這其中可能是有很大的差異

Adult love is modeled on a template of love
成年后的愛情就像模型上的樣板

created in childhood.
在我們童年時就形成了

And is likely to be entwined with a range of
這好比纏繞一系列的

problematic attractions
吸引我們的麻煩

that militate in key ways
妨礙的關(guān)鍵跟大人一樣

against our chances of growth and happiness, as adults.
在成長與快樂的機會之下

We may believe we are seeking happiness in love
我們可能會相信自己在愛中追求幸福

but what we are really after is familiarity
但我們真正追求的是熟悉感

We're looking to recreate within our adult relationships
我們想要在大人的關(guān)系里成現(xiàn)

the very feelings we knew so well in childhood
那些童年時的感覺

And which were rarely limited to just tenderness and care.
我們小時候體驗的愛，沒有局限于溫柔與關(guān)心

The love many of us would've tasted early on
那么多種的愛我們可能都已嘗過了

was confused with other perhaps more destructive dynamics
我們可能對感情上的事感到疑惑

Feelings of wanting to help an adult who is out of control
想要的感覺幫助那些無助的大人們

or of being deprived of a parent's warmth.
或者是沒有感受過父母的溫暖

Or scared of his/her anger
或是害怕父母的憤怒

or of not feeling secure enough to communicate our trickier wishes
因為覺得沒有安全感不敢說出自己的玩笑或者愿望

How logical then, that we should as adults find ourselves
邏輯上或許我們長大就會找回自己了

rejecting certain candidates
拒絕掉不喜歡的

not because they're wrong for us
不是因為他們不適合我們

but because they're a little too right
而是因為他們太好了

In a sense of seeming somehow excessively balanced,
在某種意義上看起來過度的完美

mature, understanding
成熟的、寬容的

and reliable
并且值得信賴的

given that in our hearts such rightness feels foreign and unearned
我們心里覺得自己好像配不上

To choose our partners wisely,
聰明的選擇伴侶

we need to tease out how certain compulsions to suffering
我們需要弄清如何肯定折磨的強迫力

may be playing themselves out in our feelings of attraction.
可能是要他們自己發(fā)現(xiàn)在我們吸引力的感受

A useful starting place is to ask ourselves
有個有用的開始是要問自己

perhaps in the company of a large sheet of paper, a pen and a free afternoon
也許在公司的一大張紙，一支筆，一個下午的自由時間

what sort of people in the abstract put us off and what kinds excite us.
是什么樣的人把自己關(guān)在空洞里是什么樣的事物使我們興奮不已

To try to trace back qualities to the people who first loves us in childhood
試著回朔童年愛著我們那些人的特質(zhì)

and to ask ourselves how much our impulses really
問問自己我們因為多少的沖動

are aligned with things that might make us happy
真的使所有事一致的感到快樂

We could stand to discover for example that slightly distant and sadistic people
我們可以站旁邊發(fā)覺例如稍微疏遠的人和兇神惡煞的人

do always more interesting to us than
總是對我們做出較有趣的事

the so-called 'nice' ones.
但所謂“好”

That should make us stop and think.
這應(yīng)該是要讓我們能停下來想一想。

Our honestly described reactions are legacies
我們誠實的描述是 反應(yīng)遺流的痕跡

They are revealing underlying assumptions we've acquired
他們揭露我們已獲得的暗含臆斷

that what love for us can feel like.
什么樣的愛對我們來說是可以感覺得到

We may start to get a clearer picture
我們可以清楚從圖中發(fā)現(xiàn)

that our vision of what we're looking for in another person
我們在尋找人生中另一半時的憧憬

might not be in a specially good guide
不可能是一本專業(yè)指南手冊

to our personal happiness.
給我們幸福。

Examining our emotional histories
審視著我們的情感歷程

we learn that we can't just be attracted to anyone
我們知道，我們不會只被別人吸引

we're limited in the types we have
我們只局限于我們所擁有的類型

because of certain things that happened to us in our past.
因為事實就發(fā)生在我們的過去。

Even if we can't always radically shift these pattern
即使我們不可能徹底的改變這個模式

it's useful to know that we're carrying a ball and chain
簡單來說，我們系著一顆球與鏈條

It can make us more careful of ourselves
它讓我們更小心自己

when we feel overwhelmed by a certainty that we've met the one
當我們覺得被已遇上的事實給淹沒時

after just a few minutes chatting at the bar.
短短幾分鐘后，在酒吧聊聊天。

Or when we're certain someone is just brawn or boring
或者當某些人只是膂力旺盛時或無聊時

even though objectively, they do have a lot going for them.
盡管客觀上，他們確實有很多利于他們的條件

Ultimately, we stand to be liberated to love different people to our initial
最后我們最初的立場獲得愛著不同的人的自由

types, when we find that the qualities we like
不管什么類型，當我們發(fā)現(xiàn)我們喜歡的特質(zhì)

and the ones we very much fear
和那些我們非?？謶值娜?br/>
can be found in different constellations
可以在不同的星座找到

from those we encountered in the people who first thought us about affection
從我們那些遇見的人們中要先想過我們自己的虛偽

long ago, in a childhood we should strive to understand
很久以前，在童年的我們應(yīng)該努力理解

and in many ways, free ourselves from.
在許多方面，讓我們從中自由吧!!