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5 Guidelines for Giving Kids Choices來源 www.psychologytoday.com給孩子表達意見的機會，自己做決定的權力，發(fā)展主人翁的意識，獨立解決問題，這些都是與孩子增進情感聯(lián)系的好方法。 建立尊重, 增強連接, 激發(fā)合作, 培養(yǎng)問題解決的能力， 從兒童對基本權力和掌控感的需求出發(fā)，培養(yǎng)更多優(yōu)秀的能力。 Providing young children opportunities to use their voices, make decisions, develop ownership, and solve problems are great ways to bond with them too. builds respect, strengthens community, invites cooperation, develops problem-solving skills, and capitalizes on kids'normal human need for power and control. 孩子希望父母能維持家庭秩序，對大事情拿主意，這會讓他們很有安全感。盡管他們需要有發(fā)言權，但太重大的抉擇對他們來說反而是壓力。讓孩子們在兩件事之間做出選擇。如果他們無法做出選擇，不要提供第三個選擇。（當然“自由游戲時間”除外，他們在自由游戲時間可以選擇任何感興趣的事情。)Here are 5 guidelines for giving kids a voice and a say:Kids want and expect their parents to provide structure and make key family decisions. It helps them feel safe. While it’s great to give kids a say in things, too many or too big of choices can overwhelm them or put too much pressure on them.Give young children the choice between only two things. If they don’t or can’t pick between the two, don’t offer a third. (This doesn’t include “free play time,” where they should be able to do whatever they’re interested in.)既然決定給孩子發(fā)言權，那就要堅持貫徹，不能這次給權力，下次又不給了，這會讓孩子感到沮喪和不滿。他們會很困惑，自己的權力邊界到底在哪，他們可能會消極回應、質疑或轉而對抗。而成年人不明白這是孩子在探尋權力邊界，只認為是不合作的表現(xiàn)。比如，今天晚上你問孩子:“晚飯想吃什么?” 第二天你卻說，“今晚我們都吃lasagna，你也一樣。” 他們可能就會開始抱怨或抗議，因為權力邊界變模糊了。再比如，這個周末你問孩子:“今天早上你想做什么? 我們大家的活動安排聽你的。而下個周末，你卻說:“今天，你要和爸爸去商店，然后我們一起去朋友家。” 這種變化對孩子來說不太容易理解。If you give children choices once, but not the next time, they naturally get frustrated and protest. Their confusion often results in them 'pushing back,' questioning, or refusing to comply as a way to determine where the 'real' boundaries are. Adults often end up viewing this 'push-back' as uncooperative or acting-out behavior when it is really just a way for children to determine the extent of their power.If one night you say, “What do you want for dinner?” and the next night you say, “We’re having lasagna and you can’t have anything different,” they are likely to whine or protest because boundaries become confusing.If one weekend you ask, “What do you want to do this morning? Our whole family will do anything you want.” And the next weekend you say, “You are going with Dad to the grocery store then coming to a friend’s house with me,” kids may not understand the incongruence.比如，你們去公園時，說出兩個公園的名字，讓孩子二選一。每周六早上，讓他們選擇是和你一起出門，還是在家待著。每周五電影夜，為孩子提供兩部電影，讓他們自己挑選。去圖書館，他們可以選擇5本書。晚上，他們可以選擇開夜燈或是開著門。午餐時，他們可以決定喝水或喝牛奶。晚餐時，他們可以自由決定吃正餐還是吃Cheerios（麥圈）或其他食物代替。Create a ritual around choicesMake certain choices 'rituals.' For example, when you go to the park, name two parks and they choose which one. Every Saturday morning they may choose to run errands with you or stay home. Every Friday movie night, put two movies in front of your child and let them choose one. At the library, always let them choose 5 books. At night, they can choose night light on or door open. At lunch, they can choose water or milk to drink. At dinner, they can eat the regular meal or eat Cheerios instead (or whatever choices work for your own family).如果孩子每次出門前，總是丟三落四，就讓他來負責解決這個問題。讓他列一個出門前準備工作的清單，畫出或寫下需要做的每件事，完成一項就打個勾。讓孩子幫你解決筆帽沒有蓋在筆上的問題。(不管用什么辦法，通常他都會把筆帽扣上的。)如果孩子總是把書隨便扔在地板上，你可以問問她：“你覺得有什么辦法能讓地板變干凈呢？”Ask them to help you fix problemsIf your child is having trouble doing the tasks needed to get out the door, put him in charge. Create a checklist on a clipboard of stick-figure pictures of all the things he needs to do to get ready, and have him cross off each thing as it gets done.Ask your child to help you solve the problem of caps not being put back on markers. (She will be more likely to put the caps on, no matter what strategy she comes up with).If there are books all over your child’s bedroom floor, ask her how she thinks the floor could stay clear.如果孩子用鏟子將地上的書清理干凈了，你可以說:“哇，用鏟子鏟書的主意太有創(chuàng)意了，地板又和以前一樣干凈，你真是把房間照顧得非常棒。”如果孩子選擇了游泳而不是徒步，你可以說:“謝謝你選擇游泳，因為和你一起在水里玩開心極了。”如果孩子選擇給你幫忙，你可以說:“我很開心你來幫我，因為有你在我身邊總是更有趣。”If your child shoveled his books off the floor, you could say, “Wow, this shovel idea you thought of is really working out well. I see the floor is as clear as ever! You’re really taking care of your room.”If your child chose swimming over hiking, you might say, “Thanks for choosing swimming. It was so fun to splash in the water with you.”If your child chooses to run errands with you, comment, 'I'm so glad you chose to help me out. Doing errands is always more fun with you by my side.'
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